Help Teens Carry Heavy Their Fears

Ten Things Adults Can Do—Now

Virginia high school students are not imagining the threat. Many are living with real fear tied to immigration enforcement, attacks on trans kids, and a steady erosion of support for public education.

Fear turns into anger; anger collapses into depression. Adults don’t fix this by minimizing it or pretending kids are “resilient enough.” That’s how trust breaks.

Here’s what actually helps.

1. Name the reality—plainly. Kids calm down when adults stop gaslighting them. Say it out loud: “Yes, there are policies and rhetoric that are scary. Yes, some groups are being targeted. It’s not fair.” Naming reality reduces anxiety more than false reassurance ever will.

2. Separate feelings from outcomes. Teens often fuse emotion with catastrophe (“I’m scared, so something terrible will happen”). Teach the skill: feelings are information, not predictions. Practice grounding—slow breathing, cold water on wrists, five things you can see—so their nervous system stands down enough to think.

3. Protect identity, not just behavior. For immigrant and trans students especially, the stress isn’t abstract—it’s personal. Make your home, classroom, or practice explicitly affirming. Use correct names and pronouns. Shut down demeaning talk immediately. Safety is built through consistency, not speeches.

4. Give anger a job. Anger isn’t a problem; directionless anger is. Channel it into concrete, age-appropriate action: mutual aid drives, tutoring younger students, art, music, writing, organizing a school forum. Purpose metabolizes rage into agency.

5. Limit the doom feed. Endless news and social media keep kids in fight-or-flight. Set boundaries together—specific times to check updates, phone-free hours at night, and credible sources only. This isn’t avoidance; it’s mental hygiene.

6. Keep adults predictable. When systems feel unstable, relationships have to be rock solid. Show up on time. Follow through. Admit mistakes. Predictability is a powerful antidepressant for teens.

7. Watch for red flags—and act fast. Persistent withdrawal, sleep changes, hopelessness, self-harm talk, or a sudden drop in grades are not “phases.” Get professional help. Connect with school counselors and local community mental health centers. In Virginia, you can call or text 988 for immediate support in a crisis. Waiting makes things harder.

8. Model courage without cruelty. Kids learn how to face a hostile world by watching adults do it. Be honest about your own fear, then show how you cope: boundaries, community, therapy, rest, and principled action.

9. Keep Calm and Carry On. Teens don’t need adults to be calm because everything is fine. They need adults to be steady because things aren’t fine. 

10. Validate. When we validate their experience, protect their identities, and give their emotions somewhere to go, we don’t erase the threats—but we make them survivable.